HP & the loaded dice
by Thrans
Summary: Harry is sent back to try again, Large Harem/Multi, Dark AD,RW,GL,DM and Death Eaters, The first chapter is up after it's rewrite. New chapters in 1-2 months (I'll be using the same story just editing out the chapters and adding several new ones, so setting an alert will work)


AN: This is the rewrite of 'Harry Potter and the Loaded Dice' chapter 1 of witch was a measly 500 odd words including warnings, and though bellow you will find warning I have condensed them.

Warnings: This story will contain: Lemon/Lime/Smut, Harems, Fslash, Jokes about Mslash, TwIncest, Light Angst, Dark Characters (Male and Female), Potions Abuse, Betrayal, AU, Off screen rape and lots of bashing.

Please note that the list of warnings might be added to, but new warnings will be mentioned at the start of that chapter. Please note this story is backed up on HpFanFicArchives as both the original (chapters 1-10) and the rewrite.

I do not, own, claim, profit, or necessarily approve, of any Thought, Characters, Plots or View points, shared in this fictional story. All and Full right, Responsibility, and Acknowledgement go to the respective party.

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Chapter 1

'The King is dead, Long Live the King.'

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**Death number: 2, Universe: Original Time line**

Harry was tired, to be brutally honest he was old.

It was the Halloween after his 383rd year on this planet, Ginny has died at one hundred and seventy-three years old, and two other generations of Potters had passed by with Harry hanging around. Now on his death-bed his hand loosely clutched in his great grandson's already wrinkled fingers, he passed over the Potter family ring.

Many would say he had lived a full life, and though Harry would agree he looked back on his years with some dismay, six Dark Lords and Ladies had risen and fallen under his watchful eye, the wizarding world floundering as the muggles reached the stars.

Muggles... One of his greatest mistakes was accepting that word, he knew it was not the eleven year old Harry's fault for accepting the wizarding public's ways, but still in his later years he should have not only been watchful but cultivated the path of his fellow wizards.

But now with his last breaths as his soul was ready to journey on, though he could only look back wondering what could have been.

-o-

***Beep* **

***Beep* **

***Beep***

"Is he coming around?"

***Beep***

"Looks like it.."

***Beep***

***Beep***

"Harry.."

***Beep***

"You awake Harry?"

-o-

**Death number: 5683026893, Universe: Original time-line with Gender Switch**

Fredrick Delacour was sitting in a corner on a low wooden stool, looking far less composed than usual, while Victoria Krum looked even more surlier than usual. Cecilia gave Harriet a small smile continuing the pace back and forth the tent.

"Harrite! My dear!" said Bagman happily, looking around at her. "Come in, come in, make yourself at ho-"

Then suddenly the world froze, as if a paused button had been pressed.

"**What now?**" said G.

"_**My alarms gone off**_"said the female voices of the F sisters

"Crap... We can't leave them for one lifetime, can we." came D's dreamy voice

"_Never have this problem in my department_"

"**Shut it Death.**" Snapped L before speaking the to girls almost purring "**How bad girls?**"

"_New room-mate bad"_ T said in his timeless voice. "_But, end this Universe, and I'll repeat the plan I saw myself tell you._"

With that W called forth a knife.

-o-

In a small side room of the organisation known as F.A.T.E. (Finding Alternate Time-line Endings) an independent department of the St Ditai (Something To Do In The Afterlife Industries) Multi-verse division.

Sat the very annoyed soul of Harry Potter.

He was pissed actually, once again he was being sent back, this time with tits. It seemed his life story was a popular form of entertainment in the afterlife, more so were versions of it. When he started out he'd enjoyed the idea, knowing he was going back to fix mistakes from his past, only he couldn't.

The beings in charge of the after life would give him a week off with his family while they had a computer randomly change things in his past, people's personality's, the locations of the soul vessels, sometimes the nature of magic it's self. The he would be thrown back in with out his memories.

And now, twelve years into his latest life one of the gods of reality had walked up and stabbed him... her.

The door opened and in swept Dorea, clip board in hand. "Hi Harry, as you can tell things are a bit hectic around here."

"You don't say."

"Oh, come on, you looked cute in a dress." Dorea Potter was used to this, ever since Harry had started being sent back she took a job at F.A.T.E. as his agent, Lily Potter and Hermione Granger had applied, but as they were alive during his life time... Well their souls were busy being messed around with as well. So, Dorea had taken the role of her Grandsons agent and support staff.

"Remember two reality's ago were you got stabbed on the doorstep of Borgin and Burkes?" Seeing him grimace she continued "Well as with all other realities they let it play out, but someone got to much power, and now we risk a new deity rising up."

"And we all know how they don't like to share power."

"Yes, well it's been decided that while they can't destroy the reality that will create it, they can change it."

"And who better than their favourite poster boy for the absurd, me." Harry said wondering how the hell they planned on him to change anythi- 'Wait a second... If they want me to change it I'll have to know how to change it... which means I'll need memories... I've got leverage!'

"_Yes you do Harry_" said Time gliding into the room "_and we will even accept the condition you're going to think of._"

"Okay what was I going to think of, but will be unable to, now I'm meant to think of it."

"_Non-interference from us, an A.S. to help you, you memories except for realities were you got with women and the location of Merlin's fortress._"

"Wait you'll actually give me the fortress of the one guy who had you by the collective balls?"

"_Yes, you won't be able to turn your self into a god with it, and like Merlin you'll get bored with Immortality eventually, it's Hogwarts but the way, you'll need to get lordship for one of the founder lines and Merlin, or have all four founder lines, then go to the R of R._"

"Wait.. is that why the Potter journals say not to claim the Gryffindor title." asked Dorea.

"_No, that's about protection. Harry is able to do this because of his mother bloodline, 63__rd__ generation squib in the family._" said Time casually dropping a bombshell. "_Now Harry, I'm limited to what advice I can give you about the reality we're sending you to fix but, it's much darker than your used to._" Time said slightly worrying Harry, but Gryffindors forward... other than those times the hat put him somewhere else."_And I would suggest you forget the idea of a monogamous marriage, you'll be remembering all the girls you've slept with in all the timeliness, and there are far worse fates awaiting them if you don't start a Harem. _"

"Are you sure you're Time, cause your sounding like Lust."

"**Harry, I'm shocked and horrified at your accusation! ...and mildly aroused at the idea of punishment with spankings.**" Lust said transporting in. "**But, Even Love agrees with us on this, we're deities not fiends.**"

"Okay you guys have a deal. I assume you want me to find out who is trying to ascend and stop them?"

"_Send them to me for a chat_" Death said porting in his voice hollow and rasping (like you'd imagine it to be...).

"**We know it's not the usual culprits from the original time line, but the computer made that world so fucked up..**" Lust said trailing off.

"_We also agreed on a car package to really load the dice, the F Sisters are over at departures with __Hephaestus who has your package, nobody builds stuff like those Olympian gods__._"

-o-

Harry was going over his new gear, and it was actually fairly decent all things considered.

The first was suite of sub-dermal armour able to withstand huge amounts of damage, though his skin could still be bruised, cut or crushed. Though Harry had to ask why it did not give protection from spells like the killing curse, stunner and the jelly legs jinx.

He wasn't sure if they were just lazy or considered it too much power, but the gods really knew how to give their gifts annoying drawbacks.

The next was a pair of unbreakable glasses with a built-in global copy of the marauders map, x-ray vision that was real x-ray vision making people show up as skeletons, and no time display.

"Lastly young hero-"

"I'm not a Hero."

"Your going on a quest, with tools made by immortals to kill something that wants to turn into a god, that makes you a Hero." Hephaestus said his voice echoing around the room "Now, I know it's a little clichéd but I've got you an expanded box. I've not skimmed out either, It's got a nice little one bed flat with a kitchen and shower, perfect for that man on the move and it's got room for you to improve on it."

"It's a cardboard box!" Harry said looking at the brown moving box complete with fragile and this way up stamped on the sides.

"What did you want, an artificial world in a cigar case."

"Maybe, but I know I at least want it to look go-" At this point Harry stopped, he had half a leg in the box to go in and see what the inside of it looked like, but found he could go no further.

"Hephaestus... this isn't an expanded box."

Chuckling the ancient Greek deity held out a small wooded box, the wood a dark brown that seemed to give of its own inner warmth. "Everything I said the cardboard box did, and an unlimited refill of my finest creation to date."

"I don't smoke."

"Sacrilege these are hand rolled from the leaves of Yggdrasil, the finest calthata leaves, genetically engineered for the task, It's safer and better to breathe the smoke from these than the purest air!" Pulling out one of the precut sausage like cigars from a slide open door in the box Hephaestus proceed to light it with a tiny of flame on a finger tip.

Shaking his head he collected up his new glasses, the armour already having sunk into his skin when he touched it. Accepting the cigar-case/flat along with a small instruction manual (that covered the button to press to enter, the combination to press to add new a new users soul signature, the information on how to further expand the flat and copy the unlimited refill charm) he waited for his version of tech support to arrive.

Harry wasn't too sure about the idea of taking someone back with him, but then again when the deities who control the multi-verse offer you a chance to go back in time and make sure you don't die for a long, long time so you won't get caught up as a puppet in endless reruns of your life (He'd had live his life 'Cannon' as they had called it one hundred and sixty-five times) you jump at the chance.

A.S.'s or Artificial Souls (not to be confused with Artificial Intelligences) were pre-programmed souls who carried out tasks for the natural Immortal Souls, their willing servitude being the price for being brought into existence anyway (the complaints office door was said to lead into the room that housed the only known way to kill an Soul).

Just as Harry sat down on the floor a small ball of light entered, zipping straight into his forehead, then out again.

"Ow I'm so pleased I'm female, Gem was crushed after she picked her name, and her companion turned out to like tentacle monsters, you always worry about the horror stories."

"Ugh! My head."

"Sorry about that, but I had to find out my form, and you do have good taste in partners."

Looking up Harry's jaw dropped open at the women before him. Surrounded in a slight halo of light she was a classic beauty, a curvy slim figure, with jet black wavy hair, her body begging to be touched...

If only she wasn't six inches high.

"I'm Cora by the way" She added floating over to shut his jaw with a fingertip. Harry would later look back and realise that he should have caught on at that point that getting hit by her strength would (and did) hurt.

"Looks like were all ready" Dorea Potter said as Hephaestus walked out waving his hand over his shoulder "Now the LZ is the step out side Borgin and Burkes, you'll have thirty seconds to block the attack that killed you last time. Do you have a plan for after that?"

"Yep, but to make it easier don't suppose I could burrow a time turner."

"_Depend on the plan._" said Time floating in.

"In one of my lifetimes I did that raid with the Arours, on the polyjuice brothel In Knockturn Alley, I can use one there, and I planned on destroying their stock of hair supplies from Hogwarts students. Then nick the shops time turner so I can get extra time in the alley."

"_Good plan. I'll let you use one of mine, but after one turn it'll disappear. Then you should still destroy the hair supplies, perhaps find out the supplier, and use the shop turner to got back... one am should give you enough time at Gringotts._"

"Understood." Harry said taking the time turner he was offered.

"Well looks like you'll be off then."

"Yes, not the next great adventure I'd expected."

Laughing lightly at her grandson she hugged him. "I don't want to see you again for at least another hundred and fifty years, Okay."

Nodding he watched as Time chanted under his breath and a portal began to form, Cora jumping on his shoulder increasing her hight so she could get a firm handhold of hair. Watching as the silvery white portal stopped growing he looked at Time who nodded for him to go through.

"Well, I guess this is going to answers the question about tourists from the future."

And with that our hero began is re-roll, complete with loaded dice.

* * *

AN: Ohh.. the delays, I'm sorry I've been distracted by finale getting starmade working on my PC, and waiting for my copy of Saints Row four, no spoilers please... I'm sorry.

I'm finally posting this as I believe the chapter is finished and there will be no further tweaking as I continue the story, this unfortunately does not mean a mass influx of chapters soon, but I'll try aim for one a week. The biggest delays are trying to make the filler parts to connect up the plot points.

Anything you think could have been done better? Any mistakes you think I've made but not picked up on? Please Contact me, I can't fix it if I don't now it's broke.

P.S. There is another poll up.

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**[Technically Spoilers]**

Quick break down for those wanting information:

Parings: Large Harem, some girls will be Alphas, some wives, others mistresses or just lovers. Harry is the main character rescuing the girls from a dark fate, this is the Universe were Harry will grab most of the Hogwarts girls, Other guys will get girls (it's fairly commonly agreed there are other schools in Magical Britain) but Harry will get most of them.

Why this reality is so messed up!

This reality problems started with a long gradual path of gender discrimination female role mods, (_Boudica_, _Cleopatra_, Elizabeth I, _Joan of Arc_, Catherine the Great, Florence Nightingale to name a few) never taking their place in history for one reason or another and a wave of anti female sentiment due to a string of Dark Ladies. This made fertile ground of male dominated cults/secret societies to spring up in secret believing that the female population needed to be controlled. This trading of information and ideas brought prosperity and wealth, but power corrupts and when sex and old men are involved if corrupts quickly.

Characters of infamy!

(These are the three main Baddies for the first year or so that Harry is back)

Dumbledore:

This version decided to use the corrupt society to his advantage, potions to enslave are just as useful as manipulation, for controlling those who would speak out. Power leads to corruption, and a darker Dumbledore is born. Thankfully he has developed a taste for older women.

Ron:

Product of his environment he grew up in a house closely tied to Dumbledore, while Molly was preparing her daughter for her future. Ron unlike his brothers who were at Hogwarts of busy preparing pranks, has gained a sense of entitlement and sees women as objects, to be taken used and shared as he sees fit.

Lockhart:

It's not much of a jump to see this man abusing his position, potions and rituals can get round his weak magical skill. Now preparing to settle down after memory charming his way round the world, he's developed a taste for the finer things in life, including his women though his week magical skill and a subconscious need to get back at his more skilled class mates, has him targeting younger and more talented schoolgirls.


End file.
